Keyword: Craig Marshall Smith
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Views from an expert in the laughingstock market

I could give a two-day seminar on the No. 2 pencil, but I couldn’t have an intelligent two-minute conversation about the stock market. Those words — “stock market” — have intimidated me … more

The last, final diatribe on an unneeded, unnecessary word

I, like, give up. Once a year for the past eight years, I have written a column about the extra-grammatical use of the word “like” and its part in the ruination of the English language. Each … more

Guys, please stop wearing clown shoes with cleats

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey may have gone out of business, but there are still plenty of clowns to go around. They perform in the National Football League, and provide adoring fans with … more

All joking aside, brace yourself for puns

When Chopin — one of my favorites — died, he began to decompose. No one is born with a sense of humor, and you can’t order one online. Some people are funny and some people aren’t. Some … more

Place of shelter shouldn’t become place to swelter

Former talk show host Dick Cavett said he saw Groucho Marx on the streets of New York, and told him he was a big fan. Marx said, “If it gets any hotter, I’m going to need a big fan.” After 22 … more

Well, as it turns out, there is an ‘I’ in team

There’s only one of me (you’ll be happy to know), but from now on I want to be thought of as Team Craig. Calling yourself or yourselves a team is the latest and the greatest, and I don’t want … more

Shades of gray look a lot less shady

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. The day I found my first gray hairs, I thought I’d dye. Today’s essay is about gray hair. I like gray hair. Americans are not allowed to grow older gracefully. … more

When it comes to love stories, bibliophilia is one for the books

I have books on shelves in two rooms that I will never read from cover to cover again. I keep them because they are some of my dearest friends. What’s on someone’s bookshelves tells a lot about … more

Concentrated innuendo brings about maximum effectiveness

Six words may not seem like a lot, but think of the evocations of “I love you. Or do I?” You have a story, complete with conflict. Entries in the six-word story contest came from California, … more

Hey kids, life is nice without that device

I was standing at the crossroads a few years ago. Along came a fellow with a guitar. Said his name was Robert Johnson and that he had something to sell, but not to me. I told him, “Me too.” He … more

Peak experience is a case of aiming way too high

The greatest risk I am willing to take is grocery shopping in Douglas County on a Saturday afternoon. It is an electrifying episode of “Supermarket Sweep” conjoined with a dress rehearsal for … more

Essentially, some of these claims seem pretty oily

Some jokes about oil are too crude for my taste. But seriously. While I was waiting for my prescription to be filled by the pharmacist, I waited in a small area that was shelf after shelf of … more

Rules are rules, even if your fur baby is special

I will say it from the start: I know how unfair this is to you. I know it’s unfair to you because you’re different. You’re not like everyone else, and neither is your dog “Rex.” Your dog is … more

Contest launched, and headline is clue

William Shakespeare wrote, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Dorothy Parker wrote, “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” Now, on the same footpath as the 17-syllable haiku contest comes this: a … more

For a life well done, have friends who are rare

A good friend was once defined as someone you could call at 2 a. m. and tell, “Bring a shovel, and don’t ask questions.” Plutarch said, “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and … more

Memories keep the past from going past its prime

Major news stories tumble on top of each other like newborn puppies, and there is a new litter every week. How’s that for a simile? Remembering what and when becomes more challenging the older we … more

Talk about gun rights must acknowledge gun wrongs

“Don’t look down,” the volunteer firemen were told. The ones who were charged with removing bodies at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Dec. 14, 2012. Every time I hear about another gun-related … more

There’s a lot to be said for running out of coffee

Please don’t squeeze the shaman. As someone once said, “When you come to the fork in the road, take it.” Never say never. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative. Life’s a horse race, … more

World lost in selfies is not a pretty picture

A waiter goes back to a table and asks a young couple, “Is your food OK? You haven’t taken a picture of it yet?” When the time comes for this decade to be characterized, it will be a snap. It … more

Internet shows that you can’t spell ‘antisocial’ without ‘social’

Every day, every single day, maybe on the hour, someone is shamed, chided, ridiculed, put down and disrespected because of an image of them or a comment they made that was posted on social media. And … more
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